Tag Archives: Occupying your time in retirement

Sep 19 2023

Books

The third Thursday of every month the book club I belong to meets at our community center.  This month’s read is In Every Mirror She’s Black by author Lola Akinmade Akerstrom, her debut novel.  A story about three black women, each with a dissimilar background from various countries, coming to live in Sweden.  As always, I’m interested in what my fellow book club members have to say about the novel, characters, themes, plot and setting.  Our discussions are usually quite lively and our views disparate.  Ordinarily, I leave with my mind opened to alternate perceptions, themes and interpretations.  And, that’s a great thing for an aging brain!

I joined the club with three purposes in mind:

  1. To re-ignite my habit and love of reading.  From an early age I spent countless hours reading.  Books took me to other worlds, other people’s lives and other ideas beyond my own place in life.  Now, I wanted to not only enter diverse venues as a voyeur of the characters’ lives, personalities and quirks, I was on a quest to maintain cognition as I aged.  According to the National Institutes of Health reading is one of the activities, which not only supports cognitive function and memory retention, it may also slow diseases like Alzheimers;
  2. To meet people and become part of my new community. And, what a welcoming community it is.  This past January when I entered the large many windowed room, I was immediately welcomed as the ‘new’ person, handed a name tag with a string attached, a black magic marker and instructions to write my first and last name on the tag.  The newbie no more, at the August meeting I was the one greeting and instructing an unfamiliar face among us;
  3. To increase the amount of reading I carried out. I learned a long time ago, you can’t be a writer, at least not a good writer, without also being a reader.  In the last decade I’d squeezed in fewer and fewer reads.  Author Stephen King, according to his memoir On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft, reads upwards of 80 books per year.  Yikes!  Considering the number of books he’s written, besides reading and writing he must do little else.

While I’m no where near reading 80 books per year, belonging to the book club has done exactly what I sought. I’m reading an average of 3 books per month now, so by the end of 2023 I may make it to about half of what Stephen King reads in a year.  My love of reading has reignited taking me to wherever I want to go to meet whoever happens to be living on those pages.  As I explore various characters, themes, plots, settings and author styles reading makes me use my brain to analyze, remember and just plain think.  Not all the books I read are fiction.  It’s the non-fiction, the stories of real, living, breathing people or those long gone, but leaving a story meant for telling, which make me ponder the world in which we live, how we got here and what the future will hold.

In our modern technology driven era I originally thought I would buy and read all my books through Kindle.  I transformed Martin’s old tablet into my Kindle by downloading the app.  At first I liked the idea of a less expensive version of a book on a device, which would hold many, many books, slim and easy to carry or store.  Traditional bound volumes take up volumes of space.   It took a few months for me to miss the feeling of the heft of a book in my hands, fingers leafing through the pages perhaps lingering to re-read a paragraph or two, writing the occasional observation in the margins or using one of my many book markers to note where I left off.  Now, I do some of both, buying the electronic version for light reading while obtaining the paperback version of others.  I also look to the local library shelves, if I’m lucky enough to get there before some of my fellow club members, and book exchanges like the one we have at our community center.  In turn, after reading a paper printed book, I donate it to the exchange for someone else’s reading pleasure.

Of all the benefits from participating in the book club, the greatest return is that I’m making new friends as we get to know each other through reading and a mutual respect for books and their creators.  I’m connecting.  I am becoming a part of the greater community in which I will live providing me with a sense of belonging.  I leave our sessions feeling uplifted and excited about my future in this community.  Books can open up all kinds of worlds to us including the one we live in today.

Copyright © 2023 kathysretirementblog.com – All rights reserved.

Jul 25 2023

A Life Of My Choosing

As mentioned in a previous post I’ve been journaling my thoughts about what I want to do in my future.  Titled “A Life of My Choosing” I was filling more than a few pages with what I wanted, needed, envisioned, imagined.  I kept my journal at the ready on the coffee table, so whenever an idea worth considering pushed its way into my consciousness, I could easily retrieve my book of blank pages and fill a leaf or two.  I detailed every single undertaking I pictured as fulfilling my life.  Never having made a bucket list, this is exactly what I was doing.  

Then, at a Fourth of July celebration with family and friends I drifted lazily at the edges of Fair Lake, buoyed by a donut shaped floaty.  Peering at gray skies, my hands and feet and bottom immersed in the clear water, my mind emptied in a meditative reverie.  This was heavenly.  No timetable for anything.  Gliding across the water in slow motion, my mind wondered to all my plans for the following year and then some, the building of the house, visits to friends around the country, choosing a volunteer gig, my next big trip.  With plenty to fill the next year, after 2024, what would be my next big thing?  Suddenly, I felt my derriere scraping the sandy bottom of the lake, grounding me.  I wriggled off the floatie.  Standing at the waters edge I asked myself if I was doing what I promised I would never do in retirement – chase the next big thing.

Shortly after retiring I took a class in Buddhism at the Osher Lifelong Learning Center at Furman University.  Our teacher, Sandy, was a  cheerful woman eager to share her story of finding spiritual peace.  At one time she had a career with a Fortune 500 company where she rose to the top as one of the few women to hold the title of vice president.  Sandy shared how she viewed herself as the person who could always handle any situation.  She could do it!  Whatever “it” was at the moment she could do it more efficiently than anyone else and in a timely manner to boot.  Additionally, she was always looking toward the next big thing, whatever that was. Then, her company was sold to a larger company, which already had a vice president for her department.  In one day she went from being a very important very efficient vice president with her chest puffed out to being jobless without a title without the next big thing to chase, her chest and ego deflated.  That’s when she realized her entire identity was tied to her job.  She worked hard putting in long hours.  She never slowed down for anything or anyone.  No matter where she was, she never stopped doing her job.  After much soul searching, in an effort to find her core identity, she began a spiritual journey learning to be more than her job, to slow down, to take pleasure in the small things, which make up our daily lives.

I could relate to her story.  During my work life I chased the next big thing, which is why I have such a checkered past.  It’s also why I’ve been so many places and taken up so many challenges including demanding hobbies.  Fifteen years ago while I was keeping a couple bee hives a friend quipped, “I can’t wait to see what you do next!”  Ah, he knew me well, perhaps better than I knew myself.  My identity wasn’t solely tied to my job, but it was always tied to doing the next big thing.  After taking Sandy’s class, I decided I wasn’t going to keep doing business as usual.  Now, here I was after years of caregiving, reviving old habits.

Perhaps I’m trying to make up for lost time or what I perceive as lost time.  Realistically, the time is gone and cannot be recovered.  It was not really lost, but spent caregiving while my expectation of what we were going to do during retirement was something altogether different.  The big question when we retire is, “What are we going to do with all that time we once spent at work?”  While I don’t want to end up with an easy chair and a bag of chips watching TV to pass the time, I also don’t want to be scurrying here and there looking for the next big thing.  I believe happiness comes from doing a balancing act no matter where you are on your timeline of life.  After investing much thought, a life of my choosing comes with both engaging in spectacular moments such as my trip to Italy, and now planning my new house, as well as down time indulging in the mundane aspects of everyday life, reading a book, grocery shopping, a walk at a local park.  For now I’m not looking beyond 2024.  Oh, I’ll keep writing in my journal, but I’m not actively looking for the next big thing.  Instead, I’m looking for the next everyday thing in a life of my choosing.

Copyright © 2023 kathysretirementblog.com – All rights reserved.

Jul 18 2023

Inspiration

Accompanied by granddaughter Sophie and her friend I visited Frederik Meijer Gardens and Sculpture Park in search of inspiration for the garden at my new house.  Located about forty five minutes away in Grand Rapids, Michigan I’m a member.  My membership allows me to visit throughout the year viewing the gardens during each season as I pursue ideas for my much, much, much smaller version of this 158 acre display of everything from manicured gardens to natural landscapes.  July the gardens are in high season filled with a wide assortment of plants in bloom.  Paradise for me!

The English Garden as my backdrop

With two newly minted teens in tow I thought we would spend a couple hours strolling through the specimen landscapes close to the central building.  For sure the girls would become bored after awhile.  My plan was to visit the English Garden, glass enclosed Tropical and Dessert Gardens, the Children’s Garden and the Prairie Garden.  Much to my surprise and delight we didn’t eat lunch until 2 p.m. and that was only because I insisted, telling them, “If Grandma doesn’t eat lunch soon, I’m going to eat this fence rail!”  They giggled at the idea of me gnawing on wood.

Tropical Garden

During the four hours before settling into a booth at the Balk Cafe, we oohed over the fascinating metallurgic works of artist Cristina Inglesias, visited all of the landscapes on my list as well as the Japanese Garden, Woodland Garden, Farm Garden complete with farm house with rocking chairs (thankfully) on the front porch, barns, farm stand and bronze sculptures of livestock. As the girls busied themselves playing a game in the big red barn of ‘What is this antique farm tool?’, I settled into a rocker to rest my legs.  A little boy rung the bell on the other side of the wraparound porch tolling time for supper.

Viewing the Japanese Garden from a hill

At the cafe, which is cafeteria style the girls woofed down gourmet mac n’ cheese while I enjoyed a heavenly sandwich of chicken salad made with pineapple and dried Michigan cherries.  As we finished off our meal with ice cream sandwiches and cookies we admired the Chilhuly glass sculptures adorning the ceiling and discussed the array of sculptures throughout the 158 acres.  Considered one of the top 45 sculpture museums in the world, the Frederik Meijer Gardens and Sculpture Park offers surprises with every path taken.

Chihuly sculpture

Armed with a collection of photos and notes on my phone we made our way to the parking lot.  My two companions talked animatedly about the photos they’d taken and the amazing things they had seen.  My heart swelled with happiness over their enjoying our visit as much as I did.  We made plans to return together in April during the annual Butterflies Are Blooming exhibit in the Tropical Garden. I made my way back home while they napped in the back seat and my head danced with inspiration.

Copyright © 2023 kathysretirementblog.com – All rights reserved.

Feb 27 2023

A Squirrel In A Cage

Mid-February I enjoyed a week of socializing.  Valentine’s Day was filled with appointments including a lovely long luncheon with other women, mostly widows like myself.  There were flowers on the table, at each seating Lindt chocolate paper hearts filled with truffles, wine and good food and great camaraderie.  Then, of course, yoga Monday and yoga Wednesday followed by my third Thursday book club tribe and a stimulating discussion of The Weight of Water by Anita Shreve. 

I was flying high when suddenly I crashed with a nasty head cold.  Rachel brought a Covid test.  I was negative followed by the happy dance.  Did we ever think we’d be glad to have a cold?  Just a cold.  Yay!  But, not yay.  I felt like crap.  No amount of hot tea with honey, throat lozenges, fluids, fluids and more fluids or meds could make me feel much better.  And, sleep.  That’s all I wanted to do and did as much as my physical discomfort allowed.

On one of those days when rest escaped me, I stared out my second story window watching feather light flakes of white meandering slowly to the ground.  Snow accumulating on the branches of the oak outside the turret highlighted its winter gray color, a few dead leaves still dangling as if to be brown ornaments swaying in the light wind.  This was supposed to be my winter of just being.  In January I envisioned a winter of contemplation, introspection and the claiming of much needed space – mental, emotional, spiritual and physical as I distanced myself from the past.  At the same time I wanted to throw myself into activities, which not that long ago were difficult, if not impossible to enjoy.

Now held hostage by this dreadful cold and impossibly icy roads at first I felt trapped.  But, as the days of endless nose blowing and coughing wore on my feelings became ones of contentment.  I couldn’t remember the last time I just was.  No place I really really had to be. No preconceived notions of time to rise or go to bed.  No one asking what was I going to do today.  When was the last time I actually looked at the oak?  I mean really looked, noticing the branches softly swaying in the unseen wind, the deep wintery gray of its trunk, the hint of swelling buds promising spring will come yet again.  When was the last time I lived in the moment, every moment, not thinking about what I thought I had to do, but really didn’t have to do?

Once upon a time this is how I wanted my retirement to play out in part.  And, I still do.  In between all the big events during retirement, the travel, moving, socializing, there is a lull where everyday life hums along.  I want that slow, steady whisper of daily events, not the rushing crescendo as in my working and caregiving years.  Even vacations were once crammed with places to go, to eat, to see, things to do. Go, go, go. Lists and lists. To do lists at home. To do lists at work.  Bucket lists for retirement. I always felt like a squirrel in a cage.  No. I want days of just being, of contemplating my surroundings and turning inward toward self-knowledge and contentment and noticing whatever is outside my window.

Jan 11 2020

Revelations

 

It’s that time of year again where we made our New Year’s resolutions, face a clean slate, decide what we want to write on our slate.  I feel like I started with a clean slate in September.  I’m still working on it.  If someone told me a year ago, at the beginning of 2020, I’d be living in a new house, different climate and culture, changing my reality, I’d most likely have thought them daffy.  Yet, here I am.  I didn’t make resolutions again this year.  However, I am pondering some revelations.

Rhetorically, does a move to another state change our reality?  Decidedly so.  

Despite my trepidation about living in the snow belt, our Christmas was not white with snow, but sunny with temperatures in the high 50’s.  By Thursday it was 61.  I washed, waxed and detailed my car while Martin bicycled 18 miles.  Major storms, which made national news, went either north or south of us revealing a short winter season.  I’m ready if we get hammered as today it appears ‘The Iceman Cometh’.  My new reality includes a snow plowing service for the driveway as well as generator for power outages.  

But, compared to my altered emotional, spiritual and mental reality, the change in my physical reality is a minor aspect.   

Christmas night, as we prepared to leave our daughter’s house after a day of family, our grandchildren offered up hugs, our son-in-law backed my car out of the driveway and our daughter said, “Watch out for deer.  They’re scampering all over the place.”  

“I know.  We see them scampering.  I’m tired.  Glad it’s only 5 minutes to the house.”

She smiled.  “A lot better than 12 hours.”

Yes.

Having family, assistance and love just 5 minutes away has granted the measure of peace I hoped for.  I’m happier than I’ve been in years.  My only regret is not making the move sooner.  While being a caregiver is still strenuous, it is now a shared responsibility.  The kindness, acceptance, attention, effort, compassion, empathy, time together – I could go on and on.  

This hasn’t been easy.  After 21 years in South Carolina, even with the help of family, adapting to a new culture is a challenge.  Fortunately, we’ve lived here before.  Some things never change.  At the same time, growth renders cities and streets unrecognizable.  Family ties, of course, make it easier to find doctors, hair stylists, the best places to shop and other services.  When we moved to South Carolina, we had to rely on maps to get around.  GPS makes a new locale a lot simpler, especially wending our way through those now unfamiliar high growth, high traffic areas. 

While not making resolutions, I did reflect on what I wanted 2020 to look like.  Nearly two weeks into the new year and new decade, I decided to take a page from fellow blogger Pat Doyle’s post (https://retirementtransition.blog/2020/01/06/woty-2020-release/) and choose a Word Of The Year (WOTY) as a guide.   I wanted a word to lead the way to the emotional, spiritual and mental growth I sought in this new reality.  I wanted a word to aide my focus.  I wanted a word to define 2020 for me.  My WOTY is ‘Engage’.  While I’ve been busy settling in, locating services, changing licenses, address, painting walls and whatever else was needed to make this home our own, other than family, I haven’t engaged in the community in a meaningful social way.  

We live in the country.  However, looking around at what’s close to home revealed a wealth of interests hinging upon our natural world.  Small town activities abound.  Then there’s always the big cities, a bit longer to get to, but filled with many pursuits to choose from.  

Martin’s Painting of Canadian Geese

Keeping it local, as a first step to engaging Martin and I joined the Michigan State University Bird Sanctuary and Manor House only a few minutes from our home.  Similarly, we joined the Kalamazoo Nature Center – yes, there really is a Kalamazoo, Michigan – a bit further down the road.  

As a caregiver one of the challenges of engaging is finding activities, which will engage and satisfy both of us as well as finding community involvement for me alone.  The Bird Sanctuary is home to Trumpet swans, Canadian geese, ducks and rescued birds such as a Bald Eagle.  With nature trails surrounding a large pond and a monthly Birds and Coffee Walk, as longtime hikers, it’s the perfect place for both of us to get some exercise, engage with other people and nature.  On our last visit we met a photographer who drives over an hour just to take pictures of the once endangered Trumpet swans.  Martin took his own photos of geese, translating them to his artist canvas.  For me, there’s also the Richland Area Community Center with yoga and art classes.  It’s a beginning.

With an open mind and an open heart and ‘Engage’ as my WOTY, we’ll see what I can draw upon my slate by the end of 2020.  Engaging is under way!  More revelations to come.

Oct 20 2018

Wisdom

 

Six years ago today I woke up officially retired from the workplace, a new identity waiting to be formed.  Yes, six years!!!  And what a six years it has been.  

Prior to retiring I received lots of advice, most of it very useful wisdom, from people already enjoying a life filled with options of personal choice.  Whether you are now retired or looking forward to it in the future, these nuggets of insight are worth repeating.

The first piece of wisdom came from a couple I volunteered alongside at a local farmers market.  I still remember his face when he told me, “Guard your time jealously.”  In the moment I didn’t realize how many people would be looking at me as a person who needed for them to fill my time.  I found myself thinking of him and his advice again and again as well-meaning acquaintances, friends, even strangers, tugged at me to volunteer or join their organization of choice.  This is your time to use as you choose – guard it jealously!

That said, another piece of advice was to give some of your time to a cause you care about deeply.  I was already giving my time to volunteering at the agricultural extension’s information booth at the farmers market.  So, that one was easy for me.  That was my organization of choice.  I educated.  I taught people how to grow food, to create spaces for butterflies, bees and birds.  I helped people make their gardens and the Earth a better place.  It was fun.  Find a cause where you willingly, happily and whole-heartedly give your time and your being.

That brings me to doing something you love.  Whatever your lifelong hobby, now’s your time to enjoy it even more than ever.  I know people who golf or play tennis several times a week, spend more hours acting at the community theater, make their garden into a show place around their home or turned their art into a source of income.  Whatever it is up the ante.  Keep doing it at a quantum leap.

Then, try something you always wanted to do, but didn’t have the time.  Retirement affords the opportunity to start something new, fresh, fulfilling a dream.  For me, that was taking up watercolor painting.  I wasn’t good at it and didn’t enjoy it, but it led to other art mediums I do enjoy.  With retirement you can start anew as many times as you wish.  This is your moment for adventure!  Failure is o.k.  As a bonus of my adventures, I’ve met many other retirees in daytime art classes.  Some became new friends.

Speaking of friends, realize that many of your friendships will be altered.  The people who are still employed may drift away as your identity evolves.  Or you may drift away from them as you find new acquaintances with a shared interest and time frame.  Your social life will revolve around a daytime persona that is different from the work you.  Be open to meeting new people.

Along with the advice of guarding your time jealously, the second piece of wisdom the couple mentioned above dispensed, “Give yourself two years to adjust.”  It took all of two years and then some for me to settle in.  Others may take no time at all.  It depends on a lot of variables, such as your personality, your attachment to the type of work you did, how you left work – forced out, disability or planned exit, your retirement activities, your mental view and emotional feelings about retiring.  Two years.

Lastly, retirement is an opportunity.  It is not the dictionary definition of ceasing to work; it’s serendipity – the chance to do the kind of work you want to do.  It’s the possibility of tapping into your reserved longings, the savoring of freedom to use your time as you choose.  It’s the prospect of a fresh start in life.  And, I hope this shared wisdom helps you to do just that.

Sep 24 2017

Firsts

When was the last time you did something for the first time? For me, this was a week of a lot of firsts giving me plenty to write about in future blogs.

Workshop site

This was the first time I took a class on self-publishing, hoping to figure out the daunting task of getting my book out there. It was the first time I met Alex, the psychology student assigned to interview me for her Adulthood and Aging course at Furman University. It was the first time I ever went to a talk on Dementia Conversations about how to broach difficult subjects with someone experiencing dementia. It was the first time I started building a small workshop on my property so Martin and I have a dedicated space for creating art. It was the first time Martin and I took the BrainSpan testing that I’ll write more about after we receive our results. It was the first time I built a fobot (fake robot) with one of my grandchildren. Wow! What a week of firsts!

Working with my eight-year-old grandson reminded me how we did firsts all the time as kids. He’s curious and willing to try whatever. He uses his imagination without hesitation. If something didn’t work well building his fobot, he immediately moved on to another idea. He didn’t give up or lament the failure of the first idea. And, he had fun.  We had fun.

Take me to your leader!

As we move through life, we often get comfortable, sometimes too comfortable, with our routine, eschewing any firsts. That’s when we plateau. Avoiding meeting new people, taking on a new project or learning a new subject or skill seems easier than breaking away from our comfort zone. We like our routine. It feels, well, comfortable like a favorite old shirt or chair.

A couple of weeks ago Martin and I took a drawing workshop. All we did for three hours was learn how to draw our hands. We used our observation abilities to the nth degree studying both the palm and the back of our hands. One exercise was to then draw our hand without looking at it too much. I mentioned how I didn’t like doing the exercise. Our teacher quipped, “That’s because it makes you feel uncomfortable. You’re not used to doing it.” Ah-ha!

We adults don’t like doing things that make us feel like a fish out of water. On the other hand, kids expect to learn new things, every day, every week. That’s their routine, isn’t it? To do different tasks, learn different skills, gather up new experiences to add to their preparation for living a successful life.

As we continue to age, many of us go on to ask the question, “Is this all there is?” or worse yet, “What happened to me?” When we start asking questions like that, it’s probably time to take the plunge off the plateau or start climbing the mountain. It’s time to do something for the first time. Your routine isn’t all there is. What’s happened to you is you avoid firsts because they make you uncomfortable.

This week a friend mentioned she had applied for ten days at a silent retreat. While the attendees do chores like housekeeping, they also have six hours a day to meditate. This is not my idea of a good time, but my friend is excited about it. Being open to new experiences doesn’t mean we have to try everything we come across. Personally, this would be more of a challenge than observing and remembering the details of my hand — I don’t think I could keep my mouth closed for ten days let alone meditate for more than five minutes. If it doesn’t appeal to you on some level, a new experience just may not be for you. That said, keeping an open mind can lead you to a first that becomes part of your routine because you love doing it so much.

Think about it. When was the last time you did something for the first time?

Jul 2 2017

Freedom

A flag watches over the grape vines

 

This week the United States celebrates another birthday. Since the 4th falls on a Tuesday, it is a long weekend for those workers lucky enough to also take Monday off. Last Thursday as I did my usual grocery shopping for the next month, I passed displays of beach towels and flipflops, towers of soda and beer, end caps filled with backpacks, American flags and fireworks. People frantically rushing to gather goodies for the holiday clogged the aisles. I was reminded of the days when I, in my suit and heels, also rushed through a store at lunch hour or after work to grab last minute Independence Day necessities.

After viewing this scene from my retired perch, I decided I’m also celebrating the personal freedom retirement brought me. For the first time in my life I am not bound to do what society expects of us. Even as a child I did not enjoy the freedom retirement affords me.

Today, there are no parents, managers or other authority figures dictating how I spend my time. The suits and heels are long gone. OK I have one suit and two pair of heels left in my closet for special occasions. But, my wardrobe of choice these days is jeans and t-shirts with loafers, sandals or sneakers. The suit hangs in a breathable bag; the heels are boxed high on a shelf.

Oh, I still have responsibilities. I have to pay the utilities on time, keep a watchful eye on my investments and adhere to a self-imposed budget lest I become a bag lady at ninety. I have to be a good citizen and mind the laws of my state and country, get my drivers license renewed and pay my taxes. But, how I spend my days is up to me. That is a huge responsibility in and of itself. Ingrained in the workaholic boomer generation is the idea that leisure time is wasted time. Freedom just may come with an emotional price.

However, that’s not for me either. I learned a long, long time ago when my workaholic ways caved in upon me, that every life needs balance. I accomplish a lot in my freedom filled life. I also give myself permission to just sit and be for a time each day. Piddling, as my dad called it, is good for the mind and the soul. Taking time to watch birds flutter around the feeders in the back yard while I enjoy my morning coffee is not wasted time.

Accomplishments in retirement are not the same as accomplishments in my past work life. In June I spent a morning trimming grape vines within an inch of their lives. This task is necessary so the vines put their energy into the clusters of grapes. I consider that an accomplishment. Not one that will get me a promotion or a raise, but one that gives me pleasure knowing I will pick clusters of deep purple grapes come fall.

After a day working in my gardens, I always, ALWAYS take a garden tour, strolling leisurely while I admire the beauty. I also consider that an accomplishment. We all need a moment to stop and smell the roses. Otherwise, what’s the point of having them?

This week while workers take a long weekend crowding beaches and camp grounds, turning out for spectacular fireworks displays and enjoying a cold beer around the barbecue, I’m celebrating my successful transition to retirement freedom. Now that is an accomplishment!

 

Apr 30 2017

Is There A Normal Retirement?

It was the end of 2012 when I first started looking for articles on what retirees did to create a happy retirement.  My queries on the web resulted mostly in articles about retirement timing and finances. There was little to be found about a normal, happy retirement.

Last week one of my readers mentioned, “retirement means different things to different people” (thanks for the idea, Walter). That led to my wondering is there a normal retirement? My current search of the web indicates that most people still plan on their date to retire and their retirement income, but not much else.

Gathering information from you, my readers, I’d say there is no normal retirement. While most people plan on retiring somewhere between ages 65 and 70, what they do after that varies widely. I did an informal survey a few years ago with most of you responding about taking up some type of artistic endeavor — painting, writing, drawing, music, dance, knitting, quilting, acting — there is a wide variety of activities covered under the term art.

I know several people who read, read, read and belong to book clubs. They love literature. One woman belongs to three clubs. She can indulge in her passion for reading stories, then gather with her groups for socializing and stimulating discussion.

Besides volunteering there are many retirees who return to work part-time, whether they need to or not. I know of several people who continue working part-time for the social connections, sense of purpose and challenge that work offers. One woman told me, “My goal is to work until I’m eighty.” Her husband of 56 years does not like her working, but the work gives her such enjoyment, she continues at her job. All of these retirees, in fact, have spouses who did not take up paid work in retirement, opting instead to attend classes, continue hobbies, volunteer and whatever else they want to do.

Some retirees choose to just kick back and let each day unfold itself to them. They reason they worked long hours for decades, had bosses telling them what to do every weekday and maybe beyond, wended their way through office politics and satisfying clients and customers. To them, retirement is a long awaited luxury to just be in their own space and time doing whatever comes along.

Some retirees choose to focus on physical fitness, playing golf or tennis, biking, hiking and swimming. Some take up yoga. I know a ninety-year-old who still golfs twice a week.  His mind is as sharp as his physical fitness.  Staying in good physical shape is important for all of us as we age.  Some retirees choose to make it their focus. What’s good for the heart is good for the brain.

Then there are those retirees like me. I don’t ever want to go back to the old grind, but I also need meaning and purpose in my life like I need air to breath. Doing activities that are fulfilling to me is totally necessary to my happiness. I’m a proponent of finding new meaning and purpose in retirement. Admittedly, what defines new meaning and purpose is obviously different for different people.

I also know people who spend most of their day watching TV. One man has three TV’s going all the time on the same channel, so as he moves from room to room he can continue watching his chosen show. Sitting around on the couch in front of the boob tube all day isn’t a life.

With a possible twenty or thirty years in retirement, you may reinvent yourself as many times as you did during your working years. You may end up doing some or all of the above or any number of other activities. You may be content to just float from day to day for a while, then find yourself needing meaning and purpose. You may not want to return to work even part-time, then find yourself wanting to engage again. Retirement is no different, than any other time in your life. It has twists and turns, ups and downs, opportunity knocking on your door and days of wonderful quiet. Whatever you choose to do in retirement is the norm for you. But, for goodness sake, do something.

Apr 23 2017

What Will You Do In Retirement?

Last week Mike wrote to ask me for a quick answer to the question, “What are you going to do when you retire?” Mike plans to retire in three months. I often receive the related question, “What do you do all day?”. Jan of retirementallychallenged.com (thanks Jan) gave Mike a succinct answer, “Whatever I want.” While it’s true we can do whatever we want in retirement, I think there is more behind the question than mere curiosity.

I know that not everyone reading this blog is a baby boomer, but most asking the questions are baby boomers. We’re a generation that hasn’t thought much about stopping what we’re doing. Many of us are still workaholics. We invented the youth culture — remember ‘don’t trust anyone over 30’? Now 10,000 of us are turning 65 every day of the week.

Boomers have always been the huge train coming down the track. Our numbers caused a boom in the building of hospitals, schools, housing, cars and other stuff. We still want everything on our terms, including retirement. Therein lies the rub. We don’t know what our terms look like. We ask the soon-to-be-retired in the hope of finding answers for ourselves.

Unfortunately, many haven’t saved enough to retire outright and will have to continue working at least part-time. Others have the money, but never developed any hobbies or passions. Their lives revolved around work and family. The go to activities in retirement are travel the world, golf, travel the country in an RV. Those activities do not appeal to everyone. The questioners are wondering what the Mikes of the world are going to do hoping to get some insight into what they will do. There is gobs and gobs of information on financial planning for retirement, but very little on living a retirement life.

The truth is we don’t ever really retire. It is my experience that we save enough money not to have to go to a job to earn a living. However, we still need meaning and purpose in our lives. Our jobs provided much of that along with our social identities and structure. Retirement means we have lots of unstructured time with which to create a new role designed by us for us.

A couple of nights ago Martin and I talked about the question. We are engaged in activities we did not have on our bucket list or story board. Some of the activities we did envision never came to fruition. We don’t care that they didn’t. We wear jeans and t-shirts most days. I kept one dress, one skirt, a couple nice slacks, blouses and jackets. Oh, and two pair of heels. The rest went to charity shops. No more concerns about dry cleaning, polished shoes, polished nails, calendars, to do lists for work and home, juggling appointments, clients, office politics, satisfying the boss and spending weekends running errands. And no rush hour traffic! I let my hair go grey and get it cut every ten weeks instead of cut and color once a month.

To me this is the answer to “What are you going to do when you retire?” :

“I’m going to leave my work role and identity behind. I’m going to explore who I am at my core. I’m on a mission of discovery. I’m going to fail at times, but that’s o.k. I’m also going to succeed. It is both frightening and exhilarating. The possibilities are endless. I’m never going to stop learning. I’m stepping outside my comfort zone. I’m reinventing who I am and may do that every few years.”

And, as Jan says, “Whatever I want.”