Category Healthy Living

Jan 30 2024

A Gift

Recently, a long time follower gifted me with a book.  Knowing I was widowed in 2022, she messaged me and asked if she could send me Hope For Widows – Reflections on Mourning, Living, and Change by Marilyn Nutter.  Having read several books on loss, mourning and starting anew, although I was firmly planted in the starting over phase of my journey, I was interested in reading this book, not only for me, but for others going through a similar experience.  Starting over is hard.  Any nugget of information to help along the way is much appreciated.

As it turns out, I wish I had this book many years ago when I was grappling with anticipatory grief.  Marilyn Nutter had a very different experience than mine, becoming a widow unexpectedly while she and her husband, Randy were 3,000 miles from home and just two days prior to Christmas.  Conversely, I had years to grieve and mourn the anticipated loss of my husband, Martin.  I had plenty of time to plan and prepare and I certainly wasn’t thousands of miles from home during a major holiday when he ascended.  That alone must have added to the trauma of losing her spouse.  On the other hand, I had time to reflect upon this deeply felt loss.  I had time to rage against the disease.  I had time to journal my thoughts and feelings. I had time to make peace with the universe. I had time to accept the situation.  I had time to decide what my life would look like without him.  Time.  Time that many widows or widowers do not have. Yet, I found this book helpful with the insights and comfort Nutter offers.

While the book is sixty-five chapters, each is more like a vignette of only two or three pages, followed by what Nutter deems “Treasured Reflections”, where she offers up ideas to ponder and “Treasured Thoughts”, which the reader might journal as a means of recognizing their personal rumination on the subject.  In this, there is a type of self-help aspect to the book.  Perhaps the most prescient chapter to me is Chapter 10 “His Work Isn’t Finished”.  Here, Nutter’s pastor provides a vision contrary to what I and many think of as the deceased’s life being over, finished, done.  

Martin’s work is still here in my life, the lives of our family and his co-workers and friends.  For me, he’s here in the everyday reminders from our furniture we chose together to the recipes we enjoyed cooking as a couple to his art and photos. During the last few years of his life, he produced hundreds of paintings, so many so that after choosing the ones I wanted to keep and some, which family and friends chose, I donated the remainder to Good Will.  Towards the end his paintings became more child-like, almost all of them featuring animals coupled with whimsy.  When I donated his works, I thought about how great they would look in a child’s room.  I hope that’s where they landed to add cheer to another’s life. Our grandchildren share his artistic bent as well as his athleticism.  Former employees have reminisced about what an influence he was on their careers.  A former supervisor told me in tears how he thought Martin could do anything.  Yes, he lives on in so many ways in so many lives.  This thought brings a much needed warmth and comfort to my soul.

There are other passages, which struck a cord such as the ones where grief is not wholly recognized in our society, but something where we shouldn’t cry in public (we should cry whenever we need to) or the mental, emotional and even physical manifestations of grief.  These chapters would have certainly aided me during my years of anticipatory grief to know that what I was experiencing is not unusual.  So, I thank Renee for the gift.  And, since some of you have expressed how you are going through or anticipate loss, I’m passing this on to anyone who may need some encouragement and hope for a brighter tomorrow.  

Copyright © 2024 kathysretirementblog.com – All rights reserved.

Oct 3 2023

You, Inc.

Somewhere along the zig-zag of my working years, the idea of marketing ones’ self to create your personal brand and get ahead in the workplace arose on the business how-to horizon.  Dubbed ‘You, Inc.’ the concept hinged on the entrepreneurial notion that we are a personal business. Remembering the lessons from my almost going-down-in-flames work experience I shunned the idea only to take it up in retirement, not as personal branding, but as a means of taking care of myself.  I turned the idea into one of self-care instead of self-branding.

Culturally raised to put everyone else’s needs before my own, I was never taught that self-care is not selfish. Nobody ever told me how to truly take care of my needs.  My family raised girls to take care of others, to refill their mental, emotional tank, but no lessons on how to refill our tanks.  And, if ever I put myself first maybe even an ounce of guilt thrown in for good measure.  It took a long time for me to internalize the belief that it is not only O.K. to put my own oxygen mask on first, it is entirely necessary for my well-being. 

Below are some ideas for creating your own You, Inc.

Self-care.  Self-care is a habit of valuing yourself…all the time.  Self-care is a daily exercise, not a once in awhile something you do for yourself.  As a caregiver I learned exactly how important making time for me was to my survival.  In 2017, through the Rosalyn Carter Institute for Caregivers in partnership with the Greenville Healthcare System I was assigned a social worker for a year, free of charge, to ensure my mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health received the attention needed to ensure my well-being.   I met weekly with my social worker, Diana to review my week, what I was doing for me and how it was helping or not helping.  There was also a handbook with exercises designed to create an ever widening circle of activities to support my needs.  The intent, of course, was to reduce my stress and anxiety thereby reducing bodily inflammation in order to maintain my physical health, so that I had the reserves to care for Martin.  This is when I created You, Inc. for my self-care.

As I became more involved in the program I began to have an interest in anything and everything promising to support self-care.  Even without my caregiving duties I had always lived such a harried lifestyle never able to keep up with the demands of family, work and community.  With the challenges of caregiving I found myself in the same situation oftentimes operating on auto-pilot.  As I began to focus my energy adding layers of stolen moments for me, intertwining some activities like listening to music to benefit both Martin and me, I made a conscious decision to continue on my journey of self-care well into my future.

Setting Boundaries. The future is now.  I ramped up self-care during 2023.  I decided to take the year off, meaning not inundating myself with commitments. The number one objective is to only do activities that I 100% want to do when I want to do them.  After a decade of caregiving, I needed to refill my empty tank.  I set the boundary and said, “No” without guilt.  If it wasn’t filling my tank mentally, physically, emotionally or spiritually, it had to wait until I felt whole again.

Me Time.  I hold commitments to myself as sacred.  I inadvertently made an appointment for a Monday causing me to miss yoga.  That’s when I devised appointment days.  For example, when I make an appointment for my doctors, dentist, car repair or anything else, I routinely schedule Tuesday or Friday.  Those are my appointment days.  While regular health-care checkups fall into the self-care category, so do my yoga practice, weight lifting, reading time, book club meetings and building my next home.  I don’t do early morning or late day appointments.  I’m retired.  Rush hour does not fit with my You, Inc. concept for living.  Early mornings are set aside for journaling, meditating and reading A Year Of Positive Thinking by Cyndie Spiegel and Richard Rohr’s Daily Meditation email (https://cac.org).  Once a week I indulge in home spa treatments like a facial and manicure putting on some meditation music and lighting a scented candle.

Healthy Eating.  As I write this I have Tuscan white bean soup simmering on the stove for supper.  By now, you probably know my self-care includes healthy eating along with exercise.  While I don’t deny myself a piece of pie or cake now and again, the changes I initiated are paying off with my feeling and looking better.  Embedded in my routine is weekly meal planning and grocery shopping.  The planning pays off in more Me Time and no stress about what’s for dinner.

Adopting this You, Inc. approach to self-care is refilling my previously depleted tank.  At one time stressed out of my mind I can once again take a challenge or setback in stride.  For the first time in what seems like infinitude, I’m volunteering some of my Me Time this week to help with fall clean up at the community center gardens.  It feels good to give of my time again and from a newly abundant reservoir.  

Self-care is not selfish.  You, Inc. is not selfish.  It’s how we replenish our inner reserves so we have something to give to others, family, friends and our communities.  If we didn’t take care of ourselves, we may not be around to take care of someone else. 

Copyright © 2023 kathysretirementblog.com – All rights reserved.

Sep 10 2023

How Much Is Enough?

On my return from Italy flying high over the north Atlantic there was a list of movies and podcasts offered by United to while away the passengers’ time during the nine hour flight.  I chose a podcast by a woman I’d never heard of – Dr. Laurie Santos.  What caught my eye was the word ‘happiness’ in the title of her podcasts from The Happiness Lab (https://www.drlauriesantos.com/).  I listened to one, then two, then three and then I couldn’t stop listening.  Months later I’m listening still.

Santos, a Professor of Psychology at Yale University teaches the most popular course in Yale’s 300 year history, “Psychology and the Good Life”, which teaches students how to make better decisions leading to a happier and more fulfilling life.  One would think at my age I’d have a good handle on that and I think I do, yet I’ve learned a lot from Dr. Santos and her interviews with an array of people from across the globe. 

I found one podcast especially insightful to my currently evolving  circumstances.  I feel happier than at almost any other time of my life.  I continue to mourn my loss, the unfairness of it all considering how Martin took care of his health.  Yet, I feel happier as I’ve adapted.  The circumstances of his care and disease and death made me more resilient, more independent and as Santos would say, braver.  I dare to do things I probably wouldn’t have done before.  I think way beyond the box.

Last week we broke ground on my property.  It was exciting to see the scrawny saplings and dead trees blocking entry to the property cleared away.  Their removal revealed an entrance flanked by huge oaks, which had shadowed everything else to its detriment.  It was a beautiful blue sky day with puffs of white clouds drifting lazily above the trees.  I walked the property looking back at the oaks and farm fields beyond.  As I stood on the little knoll where my house will sit I thought of Dr. Santos’ podcast, The Unhappy Millionaire, a story about a man who won a $31 million lottery.

What I found enlightening about this podcast was how it reflected my attitude towards building my house.  Underlying the story was the question, “How much is enough?”  Inflation has eroded my buying power and dreams for the house I wanted.  Like many people in this circumstance I started out thinking if only I had a little more money, if only I’d started last year or the year before, if only I’d sold my previous house for more money.  There is always this myth that we will be happy if, when _________.  You fill in the blank.  We often times spend our lives thinking if we just had more money, that sought after  promotion, a bigger house, the dream vacation, a fancier car and, yes, even the thought that when we retire, then we’ll be happy.  

As divulged in the podcast, like many human beings would be, I was bummed that I couldn’t afford what I wanted in this house.  I thought if only.  The Unhappy Millionaire caused me to shift my thinking toward gratitude.  What if I was grateful for what I could afford and worked within that budget?  I could still build the house and it was going to be my house, my sanctuary, my creation.  I was extremely fortunate to be living a life with a lovely family, good friends, great community and good health.  I decided to be grateful and take this up as a challenge instead of a setback.

With my changed attitude of gratitude wonderful things started coming my way.  Long before listening to The Unhappy Millionaire I found and bought a showroom floor model for my laundry room including high-end cabinets, sink and granite countertop for $600.  Next I tracked down granite and quartz remnants for my kitchen and bathroom.  Not the granite I wanted, but oh so beautiful, shaving thousands off the cost.  The quartz remnant was more striking than what I originally chose.  Wow.  I was having fun with this! I bought lights open box, carefully inspecting them upon arrival for any missing parts, scratches or dents.  Every one of them is in pristine condition.  I found Kohler fixtures online for a fraction of what local shops wanted, my exact chosen style, finish and all parts intact.  The columns for the porch are being procured from a barn wood salvage company shaving another $1,000 and adding special interest. 

The result of what I initially thought of as a negative is a contest I’m enjoying, savoring every victory over market prices, celebrating my triumphs, finding meaning not in the material things, but in the search.  It’s become an intriguing game to see what I can find next to have the quality I desire at a deeply discounted price.  More money wasn’t what I needed and it most certainly may not have made me happy.  My happiness comes from the ingenuity I’m using, the creative muscle I’m flexing.  I’m also relishing the fact that the house will have a style and charm it wouldn’t otherwise have had.

What happened to the unhappy millionaire?  Sadly, he took his own life.  He could have bought anything he wanted.  However, the money didn’t make him happy.  Material things didn’t make him happy.  More relatives than he knew he had came to him for money.  With his new lifestyle his friends drifted away.  Relationships were strained.  His wife eventually left him.  By winning the lottery he lost the love, relationships, community, passion and meaning in his life.  Money certainly helps, but beyond a certain dollar amount if we have a roof over our head, food on the table, clothes on our back and can pay for other necessities, we really don’t need more money or a bigger house or that prized promotion or the fabulous vacation or fancier car or whatever it is we think will be that which finally makes us happy.  Instead of seeking more, enough is when we understand that which makes us happy isn’t things or special events.  Enough is when we have meaning in our lives.  Enough is facing life’s challenges with gratitude for what we have.

Copyright © 2023 kathysretirementblog.com – All rights reserved.

Aug 22 2023

Nutrition For The Ages

According to the National Institute on Aging (https://www.nia.nih.gov) we need fewer calories as we age, but require a healthy diet to age well.  It seems to me we always need a healthy diet regardless of age.  So, I looked into the aging well end of it meaning the type of diet necessary to meet that goal.  My concerns centered around muscle loss, vitamin needs, maintaining cognitive function and physical strength. As with so many other things in life what I need may not be what you need.  However, what I learned as I age and changed my eating habits may be beneficial to you. So, here it is.

I was never the person who counted calories or read labels on the back of food products.  Trying to adhere to the diet of the month or year or whichever diet was hyped at the moment was entirely too much for me.  I found it overwhelming.  For decades I mostly consumed whatever I wanted not counting on calories, but exercise to keep my weight down.  Martin had a really simple way of maintaining his same weight throughout his life.  He got on the scale every morning sans clothing before putting so much as a morsel into his mouth.  If he weighed more than his ideal weight, he cut back what he ate for the day.  If he weighed less, then yippee, he ate a little more that day.  It worked for him for decades.  The only time I weighed in was at my doctor’s office.

Aging, however, brings on a whole new range of nutritional concerns for me.  Fortunately, despite my decades old lackadaisical approach to my diet, I’m in good health overall needing only a few minor adjustments. While I still don’t count calories, I do read labels as never before.  What am I looking for?  Salt, sugar and fat content, types of fats used and words I can’t pronounce.  During this past ten years my dietary quality and content has gained in importance mostly due to Martin’s diagnosis and the ensuing massive amount of reading I did and still do on brain health.  

If you haven’t read my post Your Brain On Eggs ( https://kathysretirementblog.com/2017/09/17/your-brain-on-eggs), it might interest you to know that your brain needs choline to make acetylcholine, which your brain needs to process.  One egg yolk supplies a third of your daily needed supply of choline.  I eat a poached egg on toast every morning. Again, from the National Institute of Health other sources of choline are dairy products, fish, broccoli, nuts and apples.

Myplate.gov has tools to help you track your food intake and nutrition goals

According to the University of Washington, “Following a nutritious diet is one of the best things you can do for your health as you age. Eating well can help prevent many health problems as you age, such as heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and obesity. It may also keep these conditions from getting worse. For individuals aging with disability, it’s important to maintain a healthy diet that also supports any medications you may be taking.” (https://agerrtc.washington.edu/info/factsheets/nutrition)

The first diet change I incorporated was more fruit, vegetables, beans and nuts.  This brings me back to reading labels.  I buy fresh produce that’s in season and I pay attention to where it originated.  The number of miles it’s traveled is a clue as to whether or not it’s been warehoused and/or moved through the hands of several wholesalers before reaching me.  Local is best, but that’s difficult to find in Michigan in January.  At that time I opt for fresh from warm climate states or frozen.  During the growing season I take advantage of freezing locally grown vegetables like colored peppers for winter use.  If I have no alternative but buying canned, I look for low sodium and sugar and rinse the food through a colander before using.  Although they contain more sugar than fresh fruits, dried fruits are another option. I go for apricots as their sugar content is low in comparison to other dried fruits.  Several years ago when my South Carolina ophthalmologist told me “an apple a day really does keep the doctor away”, apples became a staple eaten at lunch every day.  Rarely, do I miss.  In lieu of juice I eat the actual fruit or vegetable for the fiber they provide.

While still living in South Carolina my doctor sent me to a certified nutritionist.  Concern over the stress of my caregiving inspired her decision, and rightly so, to take advantage of the one time Medicare paid session.  The nutritionist and I spent a very productive hour not only discussing my diet and her suggested changes, she also honed in on my health conditions including the stress as well as the medications I was taking.  Check with your doctor about a healthy aging diet geared toward your specific needs.  Ask if you are eligible for a Medicare paid session with a certified nutritionist.  If so, take advantage of that session to kick start your healthy aging eating plan or verify that you are already there. A website I use to help focus on my nutrition needs and goals is https://www.myplate.gov.

As the University of Washington article recommends strive for balance and variety in your diet, eliminate unhealthy foods such as sodas and snacks laden with sugar, salts and fat, incorporate exercise as part of a healthy life style leading to healthy aging and drink plenty of water to stay hydrated.  Think fiber and lean.  Lean meats, beans, nuts and grains, low fat or skim dairy.  Fatty fish such as salmon with that good for us Omega-3.  Work towards getting most of your nutrients from real food, not supplements.  Talk to your doctor.  See a nutritionist.  Healthy eating for healthy aging is really not much different from what we did or should have done through out our lives.  We’re just tweaking it to fit our body’s changing needs.  

Copyright © 2023 kathysretirementblog.com – All rights reserved.

Aug 1 2023

Pumping Iron

I started pumping iron again in preparation for my trip to Italy.  I thought that dragging a suitcase even on a pair of wheels may be more than I could handle.  Then, there was lifting my carry-on bag into an overhead bin.  During my past travels I always did entirely carry-on, but that was in my younger days.  There was always the chance of another passenger or an attendant helping, but I preferred to be self-sufficient.  Yoga had strengthened my legs, improved my flexibility and balance to where I could stand and put my pants on – one leg at a time.  While my upper body and core also improved with yoga, nothing strengthens and tones like weightlifting. I wanted the ability to carry my own weight so to speak.

It had been years and years and years since I lifted weights.  Previous experience reminded me I had to start slowly.  I also knew that as we age muscle mass decreases leaving me, at least, with the ‘Aunt Martha wave’ of sagging underarm skin – dry, wrinkly sagging underarm skin.  According to the National Institute of Health muscle loss as a normal part of aging is due to reduced endocrine function, physical activity and inadequate nutrition.  I longed for my arms to have some semblance of tone in appearance. In the interest of not straining my body (ringing in my ears was my yoga instructor’s mantra of ‘listen to your body’), I started with two pound handheld weights, then graduated to five pound weights.

Again, remembering my past training I offset my pumping iron days with my yoga days and of course, a day of rest which, by the way, isn’t spent sitting around.  In the interest of not stiffening, it’s imperative to keep those muscles moving.  My plan was six days of alternating each exercise and then a rest/recovery day.  I couldn’t do it!  Not only was the continual exercise a challenge, re-learning terms like rear delt fly, upright row and bi-ceps curl teased my brain.  Consequently, as I listened to my body, my plan evolved to yoga Monday, weightlifting Tuesday, rest/recovery Wednesday, yoga Thursday, weightlifting Friday, rest/recovery Saturday and Sunday.  Not forgetting how it’s important to remain active on the rest/recovery days, I continued to walk as weather allowed, going to the Leila Arboretum in Battle Creek or the MSU Bird Sanctuary in Richland.  When the weather didn’t allow, I just cleaned the house – ugh.

All of this seems like a lot.  And, until I spent ten days traipsing around Tuscany and various airports where my efforts paid off, I thought it was.  After my return and moving my household, it took a couple weeks to get back into the yoga and weightlifting habits and build up my routine again.  But, now I’m on a roll.  I’m doing two sets of every weightlifting move.  I go through all the moves doing 12 repetitions each. Then, I rest for about a minute or so and do 10 more repetitions of each move.  Eventually, I’ll add a third set of 8 repetitions.  I still have the ‘Aunt Martha wave’ with sagging underarms, but perhaps not as much as I should or could have.  My back, shoulders and upper arms are amazingly strong.  The kicker is what it’s done for my mental outlook. 

There’s a big payoff for exercising.  My confidence walking over uneven terrain increased.  I made it up many flights of stairs, over cobblestones and hilly wet climbs while in Italy, thankful that I had prepared for it.  What’s good for the heart is good for the brain.  Exercise improves cognitive function and reduces anxiety and bad moods.  I sleep better.  I feel I now have the strength, balance and flexibility to age well. While pumping iron was initially an activity that challenged my body and brain, it’s now a part of my routine I intend to maintain for as long as I can. 

Copyright © 2023 kathysretirementblog.com – All rights reserved.

Feb 4 2023

Food Glorious Food

I’ve always been a foodie.  In fact, my love of gardening started in the 1970’s with growing fresh herbs for all the dinners Martin and I prepped at home.  That was followed with growing my own produce and finally, gardens to fill the senses.  But, food, glorious food was always at the center of my enjoyment.  And at the center of family time.  Dinners out were not the normal routine for us when we could make it better in our own kitchen.

As our daughters grew and moved out of the house, we empty nesters adjusted to smaller meals.  Then, after decades of cooking together, Martin’s move to memory care left me cooking for one.  At first I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to continue cooking for myself.  But, after years of delicious home cooked meals, the alternative of processed, frozen dinners or take out left, well, a bad taste in my mouth.  With Covid, of course, fewer restaurant options remained and eating out solo as I’d done when I traveled for work was also unappealing.  What to do?  What to do?

At one of the occasional meals I have at Rachel’s house I savored a yummy chicken chili made in a crockpot.  I lamented the idea that such a meal would leave me with so much extra food.  Then, Rachel to the rescue!  

“You could get a small crockpot used for appetizers or smaller meals and cut the recipe.”  

What?  Feeling out of touch with the conveniences of today, I was amazed to find there are crockpots for two.  Of course, I bought one for $30 along with Pamela Ellgen’s book, “Healthy Slow Cooker Cookbook for Two”.  One of my favorite recipes is Chicken in Mango Chutney. Spiced with cinnamon, ginger and curry I love the smells that fill the air.  Another who knew is mango comes all diced in a can!

The crockpot revelation gave me the impetus to alter my frame of mind about cooking for one.  I discovered the website https://www.allrecipes.com, which offers the ability to modify the number of servings for many recipes.  Since most recipes can’t be reduced all the way down to one, I cook a meal and freeze the other half or have it for dinner a couple nights later.  That gave me another idea.  

Maryland crab soup with focaccia bread

Instead of looking at recipes as that’s too much for me to eat, I began looking at whether or not the meal could be broken into smaller portions and frozen.  Yes, I know I didn’t want to buy frozen meals at the grocery store, but my hesitation was based upon too much added salt and/or sugar along with ingredients the names of which I can’t pronounce.  During my current Michigan winter I’ve found a big pot of soup, stew or chili freezes well and provides a cozy comfort food dinner on bitter cold nights. Grandma Merlino’s spaghetti sauce can also be made as for a crowd then divided and frozen for future pasta dishes.

Other favorite comfort foods include lasagna and enchiladas, easily made in a casserole dish, divided and frozen.  As my days fill up with activities outside the house, these dishes along with the crockpot provide ready meals upon my return.  Paired with a salad I can still eat an enjoyable healthy dinner.

Speaking of salads I upped my game from the usual greens to making some interesting additions.  With winter comes a dearth of fresh greens, tomatoes and cucumbers.  Roasting root vegetables (parsnips, carrots, turnips, beets and whole cloves of garlic) to be added to kale, spinach and arugula along with chopped nuts, dried cranberries or other fruits and some feta cheese makes for a nourishing winter salad.  I also started adding a touch of maple syrup not only to my chili recipe, but also my balsamic vinaigrette. It provides an earthy nutty flavor.  Dried lavender buds, reminiscent of a summer day, is another favorite addition to the vinaigrette. Summer fare may also include salads which are not limited to greens. Three bean, asian noodle or fruit salads shake things up a bit.

Shrimp with three bean and asian noodle salads

On days when I find myself without a meal plan I turn to my egg carton and vegetable bin for a quick frittata in a small fry pan.  I add anything I can find including some roasted root vegetables, peppers, shallots, potatoes, celery or asparagus.  What’s left can be re-heated for breakfast or even a lunch. 

Never one to count calories I try, not always successfully, to simply eat healthy.  My one guilty pleasure is bread.  Any kind of bread, but especially a hard crusted bread or a moist muffin.  So, I indulge in a baking day making anything from crusty rosemary bread to carrot pecan muffins to focaccia bread.  Again, the muffins freeze well.  Breads can also be frozen, but should be used within the month.

Carrot pecan muffins

Eating for one, which started out as a depressing thought, has turned into an exploration of my senses as I experiment, discover and enjoy what food, glorious food has to offer.  It gives me something delectable to look forward to at the end of the day. And, the results have been very satisfying indeed.

Jan 27 2023

Adventures In Yoga

After a long holiday hiatus, yoga classes picked up again at my local community center.  I never thought I would be so excited about an exercise class.  But, as I learned during the past few months, yoga is so much more than exercise.  For me, it’s been an adventure.  Aside from the physical benefits practicing yoga is aiding my transition from emotionally, mentally burned out caregiver widow to calm, strong, resilient me.  I am no longer carrying darkness.  Instead, I’m restoring the light.

This revelation began on a sunny late August day when I decided (on a whim, of course) to turn onto the road leading to the Richland Area Community Center (RACC).  A pleasant friendly woman named Jody greeted me at the front desk.  Soon Jody was showing me around as she described the activities offered by RACC.  We peeked through a windowed door at a yoga class in session.  Shhhh.  A sign posted outside the room asked for quiet.  Something about the women, and it was mostly women, lying on their colorful mats in silent repose called out to me to join them.

With a six week instructional class starting in September I enrolled on the spot.  No time like the present to feed another whim.  There were also three drop-in classes offered every week.  I decided to take a wait and see approach before jumping into one of those.  However, it wasn’t long after starting the formal class that I began dropping in on Mondays as well.  As a friend who is a long time practitioner said, “How can you not love something that ends with everyone wrapped up in warm blankets?”  Indeed.

On my first day of class any trepidation I felt soon melted away as our instructor approached me.  She asked my name and announced she was also Cathy, “with a C”, as she flashed a captivating smile and said a soul warming “welcome to the group”.   Cathy also took care to ask if I had any physical constraints.  I did.  A knee was giving me pain to the point where I thought I should take my orthopedist’s advice to have cortisone shots.  Handing me knee pads I soon learned to adopt Cathy’s mantra of  “listen to your body”.  There was no pressure ever to move beyond my personal scope of abilities.  Mostly of a more mature age, including a few octogenarians, we all seemed to have some limitation or another.

As week after week I stretched and balanced and strengthened and groaned my knee pain disappeared along with the knee support, painkillers and topical treatments.  I still listen to my body (and my doctor) and use knee pads, but to say I’m amazed at this result would be an understatement.  Oh, yes, I do get a tinge of discomfort now and again, which is when I back off from whatever I’m doing with ‘listen to your body’ echoing in my ears.

Working on my Warrior II pose

However, the most significant surprise wasn’t the physical benefits.  Like a benediction following each session savasana delivered a deep far-reaching spiritual calm in the midst of my personal storm.  You may be asking what exactly is a savasana.  If so, you can see that learning the vocabulary of yoga is one of the good for your brain challenges.  To put it in simple terms, savasana is also known as the corpse pose.  Sounds delightful, doesn’t it?  It actually is delightful and difficult all at once.  

Twenty minutes before the end of my first class, as we readied ourselves for savasana out came blankets and sweat shirts, socks and eye masks, small pillows.  It was as if we were preparing for adult nap time.  Then, we adopted the corpse pose, lying flat on our backs, eyes closed, hands open-palmed facing the ceiling.  Now for the hard part…totally relaxing, not just your fresh-from-a-workout body, but your mind.  Despite soft meditative music playing in the otherwise extreme quiet my ever busy mind worked against my efforts to calm.   

Never able to meditate for more than five minutes, thoughts materialized in my hamster wheel of gray matter faster than it emptied them out.  Oh, busy busy mind.  Relax. Relax. Around my third or fourth class we were introduced to the Sa Ta Na Ma meditation.  Coincidentally, the next day my grief counselor introduced it to me as well.   Ask and ye shall receive.  The universe knew I needed a crutch to lean on.  With this method I now meditate during savasana to the point of nearly falling asleep!

As the handout Cathy gave us says, “Sa Ta Na Ma is intended to bring mental balance clearing your subconscious for a fresh start.  It improves concentration and brain function, increases intuitive abilities, and brings peace and understanding to the practitioner.”  And, so it does.

Again the vocabulary.  Here is the meaning of each word as each finger is touched in a pressure point to the thumb.  This is done slowly with inhales and exhales as each finger presses the thumb and each word is silently, mindfully said.

Sa = birth = index finger pressure point

Ta = life = middle finger pressure point

Na = death = ring finger pressure point

Ma = rebirth = pinky finger pressure point

As I practiced this at home my ability to meditate grew to ten minutes of keeping my busy mind at bay.  I’d even venture to say meditation has calmed not only my mind, but my spirit as it allowed much needed rest, peace and mental space to blossom. After savasana, each session ends with an inspirational or poetic reading by Cathy. Then, we all place our hands at heart center and say, “namaste”, which is a Sanskrit word meaning “I bow to you”. The word never fails to leave me with a peaceful feeling of being here and now and part of a larger community.

According to John Hopkins Medicine (hopkinsmedicine.org) yoga improves balance, strength and flexibility, can help with back pain and arthritis symptoms and supports heart health.  Managing stress, better sleep, more energy and brighter moods and connecting with a supportive community are other benefits cited.  Yoga has provided that and much more for me.  As I sit here looking out my window at snow floating softly to the frozen earth, I’m grateful for this adventure in yoga and its many rewards.

Namaste

Aug 2 2022

Doing Nothing

Over the last several weeks I discovered a luxury I’d been missing.  I didn’t know it was a luxury.  I didn’t know I was missing it.  I never thought of it as a luxury.  But, it is.  For the moment I’m indulging in doing nothing.  Yes, nothing.  Oh, I know we can’t ever be doing nothing.  Even when we’re asleep, we’re doing something.  One of the greatest challenges I’ve faced during the last year is overcoming the habit of being in constant motion both physically and mentally.  

After two months of decluttering, donating, selling, cleaning, paint touch ups, spring garden tidying, mulching, cleaning some more, making everything sparkle, the damaged deck replaced, it was show time. The house went on the market.  The new deck, which is the result of two cherry trees falling on the old one, the downsized amount of furniture and the fresh feeling of the house and yard almost make me want to stay here.  Almost, but not really.

Following the major clean-up I spent a week or two fidgeting as I looked for activities to fill my time.  Like a leaf in the wind I blew here and there doing whatever I convinced myself needed doing.

Then, I went to Detroit for a few days with a friend.  With tickets to experience Immersive Van Gogh, which was mesmerizing, but way too short, we decided to spend a couple nights so we could shop (I bought one tiny little thing) and visit The Henry Ford Museum of American Innovation.  Three days of wandering through museums and shops and art space.  Leisurely breakfasts and lunches and dinners.  Talking and sharing.  Sleeping later than usual.  I felt like I hadn’t felt in years.  

Immersed in Van Gogh

Returning refreshed I decided to just be for a while.  To do nothing.  Easier said than done.  Years of caregiving had my monkey brain still engaged full tilt.  Over my caregiving years I learned to anticipate the next need, upset, crisis putting myself into forever proactive mode.  If my predictive efforts didn’t anticipate the next caregiving event, there was, of course, flight, fight or freeze.  Rarely did I freeze because I never stopped thinking or doing.  And, there was never a time including respites where I focused on just being.  Now, I realize what a luxury it is to do nothing.  

Remember mindfulness? I wrote about it, practiced it and left it behind probably at the time I needed it most.  Mindfulness is achieved by being mentally present.  I’d been thinking for so long about the future and replaying the past in my head that I lost the habit of being conscious of my surroundings, my body, my emotions and not even paying slight attention to my current thoughts as they were swallowed up by stressing over what was to come.  Somehow, I had to unearth the ability to live in full awareness of the present moment.  It was there once; I could relearn it. 

Enter neuroplasticity.  Remember that?  I also wrote about neuroplasticity, took classes on the brain and brain research at Furman University OLLI.  Since then, the research on mindfulness and neuroplasticity continues to support the fact that we can create new neural pathways, even in cases where the brain is injured.  When we learn something new, we rewire our brains. I’m on a track to rewire my brain with new neural pathways to respond to situations sans flight, fight or freeze.  I’m reorganizing the connections in my brain.  Doing nothing is helping me.  By deliberately slowing my days I’m choosing what to do with intention each day, to be mindful and conscious.  

Intention is not the same as having a to do list where you tick off each accomplishment.  It’s not setting goals.  My goal is to rewire my brain, but it is the daily practice guided by my intentions, which enables me to reach that goal.  To me an intention sets the tempo for my day.  It guides me.  Working in my garden carries an intention such as, “I intend to be aware of the beauty and life in my garden.”  Other intentions could be “I intend to eat a healthy diet today” or “I intend to practice mindfulness today” or “I intend to forgive others and myself”.  

We often tend to believe if we put ourselves on idle, we’re being unproductive, lazy, wasting time.  For me, doing nothing is not actually doing nothing, but, instead, being present, mindful of the moment with intention.  Remember meditation?  I was always good for about 5 minutes and that’s where I’ve started over with my meditation practice.  Years ago I took a course in Buddhism, which is where I was introduced to meditation.  The one important part of the practice, at least for me, was learning thoughts enter our minds even as we want to empty the mind.  My instructor taught me to identify each thought as positive, negative or neutral, then let it go.  It works leaving me with a clear mind, which affords room to consciously rewire of my brain.

During my years of working I prided myself on what I could get done in a day. In the early years of retirement I felt the same way. Following Martin’s diagnosis and years of caregiving, however, I’ve changed my mind.  It’s taken the last year, and at times, I still find myself feeling as if I accomplished nothing in a day.  And that’s ok.  Letting go of old habits takes practice and time.  For the most part, I now cherish the ability to slow down, reflect, feel joy, be grateful, create and live in the moment.  It’s the luxury of doing nothing.

Mar 27 2022

Decluttering – Or The Big Purge

My Mother’s good luck charm

In order to reinvent my life I must divest myself of fragments from my past.  Like my best memories of Martin, I’m keeping the possessions, which are dear to me.  I’m not seeking a minimalist lifestyle, but one honoring our past while giving breath to what lies ahead of me.  Unlike past decluttering this one requires a wisdom imbued with greater purpose.

I had a longtime habit of cleaning out closets and drawers each January as my version of out with the old, in with the new.  Somewhere along the path I’m on that annual ritual went by the wayside.  When we sold our South Carolina house, I did a major declutter.  Or, so I thought.  

In preparation for the sale of my Michigan house, I began going through drawers and closets with the purpose of decluttering.  As I cleared drawers of stuff, I also considered furniture, which won’t fit in my new smaller home.  Lists of things to donate and items to sell forced me to realize I wasn’t decluttering; this was the big purge.

There were obvious items that must go, like Martin’s bicycle, gear and outfits along with sport coats, dress shirts, slacks, leather belts and shoes. No reason for any of it to languish in closets and cubbies when someone else could make good use of it.  It took two weeks for me to act on selling Martin’s bike.  I cleaned it, polished it and looked at it day in and day out.  I felt frozen in time, slogging through quick sand.  After mustering the courage to drop his clothing at Good Will, I felt relief.  Then, a few hours later, came a serious meltdown as grief washed over me in a torrent of tears.  Divesting myself of his belongings was accepting he would never walk through the door again.  Once I was all cried out, I let go of the bicycle as well.  It was a kind of release.

Martin’s racing bicycle

As I sort through our lifetime with a mostly clear head I didn’t have in 2019, I often ask myself why I paid to have this or that hauled from South Carolina.  Taking a page from organizational expert Marie Kondo, so much of what I had didn’t spark joy.  “Did it spark joy for me?”, became my precept, albeit one which is resulting in keeping a few things that may not evoke a modern farmhouse style.  Looking at my Great-Great Aunt Josephine’s crystal jewelry box, I opened it.  I lifted out a chestnut.  Hard and brown my Mother carried it in her purse as a talisman.  As I ran my fingers over its smooth rich decades old surface this memento from my Mother was now my symbol of juju, mojo, good luck.  A practical woman, a strong woman, her spirit would help me push through this arduous task.

As with the chestnut, possessions carry energy in the memories they summon in our spirits.  I looked at the five sets of dishes from the dinner group we belonged to in the 1990’s.  I hadn’t needed nor used all this entertainment paraphernalia in decades.  The dishes, napkins and rings, table clothes and serving dishes.  In an epiphany I realized it was the memories I was holding onto, memories of those evenings when we gathered monthly to break bread.  Fun nights like the mystery dinners where we dressed up as various characters in a whodunit.  And then, there was the toga party where neighbors must have thought we were crazy traipsing through our garden, glasses of red wine in hand, with our guests,  all of us dressed in bed sheets!  I would keep the memories and some of the accoutrements, but it was time for most of the physical trappings to go.

Following my second car load of memories taken to Good Will the picture was becoming clear.  There were certain objects, furniture, glass ware, keepsakes I would never part with.  Antique pieces from both our families needed to stay with me a while longer.  A few pieces of the furniture we bought during our marriage were now vintage, slightly marred with scratches or glass rings where a coaster went unused.  There is no place for a couple of items in my to-be-built new home, but I’m making a place.  

The large marble coffee table in the great room was originally on the chopping block.  Then came the evening I sat in front of the fire place mindfully looking at its smooth surface and rough edges, the tiny scratches from grandchildren running toy cars across it along with a few water marks from spilled drinks. Martin and I had gone to The Street of Dreams charity event while living in Seattle.  In an 11,000 square foot show house sat a marble coffee table dazzling us both.  A couple weeks later Martin went on a motorcycle ride returning to announce he’d found such a table at Frederick and Nelson Department Store.  He wanted to buy it.  And so did I.  I knew now I couldn’t part with it. It represented a joint purchase, a joint love of beautiful things.  Though now imperfect with blemishes from nearly 40 years of use, this table also represents the joyous imperfection of our lives.  As with ourselves, we looked upon the blemishes as character.  There are possessions, which are just baggage.  And, then, there are things, which warm my heart each day, that spark joy and must continue to color my life.  Despite its ultra modern look the marble table stays.

As I empty the house of remnants of my past life I feel less overwhelmed, lighter, more forward looking.  I’m honoring my past.  And, making room for my future.

Feb 4 2022

Beating Back The Winter Blues

Enjoying winter beauty on my walk to retrieve the mail.

Another snowy day.  Watching a Blue Jay on an oak branch outside my window, I feel a sense of peace. That feeling is not the norm for me this time of year.  Following the holidays I’m usually overcome by the winter blues.  It doesn’t matter where I lived, north, south, east or west, a certain melancholy always set in.  But, not this year.  This year I decided to embrace the season.  

Instead of pining for spring I would make a conscious effort to enjoy the snow, the cloud cover and even the cold.  I would be mindful of winter’s beauty.  Instead of seeing a stark landscape I would pay close attention to the birds flitting from tree to bare tree.  I would eye the snow covered branches and listen for the sound of the wind.  I would smell the clean cold air on my walk to the mailbox and filling the bird feeders and shoveling the walkways.  I would arise every morning with gratitude for waking up in a warm bed, having a roof over my head, food to eat, cats greeting me at the door and all of us herding to the kitchen for breakfast.  I would drink coffee and write about the smallest of things in my gratitude journal.  

It is working.  By starting each day with an attitude of gratitude, I find my spirit lifted.  In the past I wrote in my journal in the late evening.  The small change of writing in the morning or sometimes the afternoon turned my mind in an unexpected way.  I also occasionally write in real time right after something as simple as watching a Blue Jay on an oak branch occurs.  By doing so it keeps the feeling of gratitude alive throughout the day.  In addition to a reflection upon the immediate past, my journaling becomes part of the present, creating a more mindful approach to life.

Embracing the season seems easier with retirement.  I never thought I would enjoy living in the north again.  Yet, here I am.  Since I don’t have to go out on the roads during stormy weather, the luxury of settling in for the day with a fire going, instrumental jazz playing, a pot on the stove filled with water and scented oils like orange or cinnamon and later a hot cocoa or tea conspires to fend off the blues.

After shoveling snow I’m ready for a hot cocoa! (note:faux fur)

Self-care is my main agenda this year.  This past month of indulging myself in simple pleasures not only brought that goal into focus, it renewed my sense of purpose.  I started by preparing my house for sale in the spring and I started that by decluttering.  I thought I’d done a bang up job of decluttering when I left South Carolina.  Now, I look at what I dragged to Michigan and wonder why I brought so much stuff.  And the old paperwork!  I went paperless years ago.  Yet, I still found a couple of boxes of old records.  I proceeded with a shred-a-thon.  Having a clear space allows for clear headedness, at least I think so.  

Living in a basically neutral space also brings a certain serenity.  I like using furniture and art to bring in color.  Being homebound with the pandemic raging while also caregiving, I spent many days stripping wallpaper covered with oversized roses, plaids and wild game and painting over walls of bright pinks, greens and browns to create a more relaxing space.  For someone looking for a calming peaceful space neutrals did the trick. Add that to how buyers prefer a clean palette that’s move-in ready and it’s a win-win.

My mornings after coffee, breakfast, cats on my lap, writing in my journal and catching up with friends, I head for the shower.  There I sprinkle an essential oil before starting the water flow.  Lavender or camomile if I want calm, peppermint if I want invigoration.  My favorite is grapefruit, the light citrus smell creating a spirit lifting mood.  I also treat myself to hand milled soaps with similar scents of lavender, peppermint or lemon honey.  Finally, I make my own sugar scrub with a half cup of sugar, enough almond oil to moisten and a dash of essential oil.  That’s my spa-like routine adding to my self-care.

As I finish this it’s the day after the snowfall.  The sun is shining from a blue sky dotted with ghosted clouds.  The glistening snow reflecting warmth into my writing space.  I shoveled sidewalks yesterday and recovered my garbage curb cart from under a drift left by the snow plows.  I’m off now to feed the birds and enjoy the beauty of the season.  

I’d like to hear what you do to beat back the winter blues or perhaps you aren’t effected by them.  Let me know.  Enjoy you day!