Ahhhhh…retirement. Free at last from the stress of the workplace. No more stressing over meeting deadlines, competing for promotions or absorbing yet another policy change. No more training sessions for a new job and you better get it right or the boss won’t be happy with you. No more demanding co-workers, supervisors or customers to face every work day. Life will, instead, be a perpetual weekend or better yet, a vacation.
During the last two years I’ve met several people who retired earlier than planned due to the stress of being in the workplace. Stress happens when people can’t take one more thing. As the pressures pile up, they feel a lack of control. Overwhelmed. Many, many years ago I read how the administrative assistant of the company CEO is under more stress than the CEO because the assistant has less control over their day. The CEO is the person at the helm, calling all the shots, and, therefore, feeling more in control. After all, the CEO gets to tell their assistant and everyone else in the company what to do, when to do it, how to do it. And, the employees aren’t necessarily told why they are doing it…just get the job done! Their perception is a lack of control while the CEO enjoys the perception of control. The idea of leaving all of that pressure behind as you enter retirement is, indeed, enticing. It’s also just another perception as the pressures of work are replaced by new pressures in retirement.
What would we have to stress over in retirement? Well, to the surprise of even those of us who believe we have enough money, the number one stressor is money. That constant feeling of insecurity lurking just below the surface of everything we do, as we check our portfolio, watch the ups and downs of the stock market and ponder our choice of financial advisor, is stress. A close second to money is our health. Some of us retired due to health issues, some of which may be the result of stress in the workplace. My doctor has said most illnesses are the result of inflammation in the body brought on by stress. Or you may have retired in excellent health only to be diagnosed with an unexpected condition such as diabetes, heart disease or even cancer. Then, there are other people. Other people, it seems, is the number one stressor for the population overall and yes, other people are still a stressor in retirement. Heck, you may even find yourself stressed out by your spouse. After spending a lifetime apart during most days, to suddenly be together 24/7 may be overwhelming at first. But, remember, you are ‘other people’ to someone, which means you are someone else’s stressor. And, then, there’s the big question of, “What am I going to do that has meaning and purpose for the rest of my life?”
There is no such thing as a stress-free retirement just the same as there is no such thing as a stress-free workplace or a stress-free life. Toward the end of one Dynamic Aging class, our instructor brought in a stress coach, Donna Donnelly, to talk to us about stress as we aged. An enthusiastic and fun presenter, Donna not only provided lots of insight into the stress conundrum but infused the class with laughter. Laughter, it turns out, along with sex, is a major de-stressor as the extra oxygen produced goes to the brain. Extra oxygen is part of the relaxation response of deep breath from the abdomen, smile, relax. With the invention of the MRI, we now know these activities light up both sides of the brain. They increase T-cells, which boost our immune system, helping us to fight off disease as we age. Smiling cuts down on stress. The brain knows when you smile because the corners of your mouth turn up and your lips part a bit. Your brain likes that warm fuzzy feeling smiling evokes and releases neuropeptides, which fight stress. If you’re not used to smiling, guess what? According to Donna, if you aren’t a smiler by nature, stick a pencil in your mouth, cross wise, of course, and your brain will register that as a smile! Sound silly? If you imagine seeing people walking around with pencils in their mouths as they go about their day, it probably is, but, then again, just the thought of that image can put a smile on your face…sans pencil.
Besides smiling, here are a few other things you can do to reduce stress, many of which you probably know but now is the time to practice them, if you’re not already:
1. Adopt an attitude of gratitude. Keep a gratitude journal, taking time at the end of each day to name the things you are grateful for in that day. It could be as simple as seeing a rose bloom in your garden or taking a walk around the block with a friend.
2. Accept change. If you are someone like myself, who needs the perception of control, use the Serenity Prayer to let go of the things in life you can’t control, which, by the way includes most things.
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.”
3. Practice mindfulness. Staying in the moment, actively engaging with your environment of the moment and letting your thoughts and emotions arise and dissolve away, will help you let go of the past and keep you from worrying about the future.
4. Put together your support system. We all need other people, especially as we age. Family, very close friends and community groups all provide support. And, don’t forget pets. They also form part of our support system. My cats always know when something is off. They gather around and hang out to cheer me up.
5. Engage in stress relieving activities. Yoga, meditation, journaling, gardening, a walk around the block or a hike through a nearby park can all relieve stress. Find your stress reliever and use it as your go to when you feel stressed out by life.
6. Get plenty of sleep. As we age, that seems to be a tough one for some of us. However, it is even more important than ever as it keeps our brains functioning at top capacity. So, aim for at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep each night. Cat naps are ok, too.
Even though retirement will never be stress-free, it can be a less stress time of life if we focus on the positive and adopt the above practices. Charles Darwin said, “It is not the strongest of the species that survives. Nor the most intelligent that survives. It’s the one most adaptable to change.” Be a person who adapts. And, don’t forget to smile!
I ran across your blog a month ago, when I was feeling anxiety 2 months into our retirement and relocation to the Gulf Coast from Washington, DC. Just reading your blog helped, feeling there would be an Internet lifeline for dealing with unexpected feelings. I’m one of those who retired earlier than expected because of the increasingly toxic work environment, as was my husband. But as we’ve adjusted to our move and no longer working, we’re finding our footing 3 months in. Every day we remark on how grateful we are to have been able to sell our pricey co-op apartment at a profit, and now enjoy a house and modest yard that is 100% ours. Gratitude and mindfulness are so important, lest we focus unduly on the positive things we gave up in order to retire at 60 and 61. Thanks for blogging, Kathy!
You are welcome! So happy to hear my blog helped.
Best to you,
Nothing is stress free…so just enjoy ….and go to #1
Another very thoughtful post.. I remember reading some new research a number of years ago that stress is not all negative, that we need a certain amount of it to keep life interesting. The trick is not to eliminate stress, but to manage it. Thanks for the great suggestions on how to do that.
Jean, you are absolutely correct. Some stress is necessary for survival…that’s what primes our fight or flight response in a potentially dangerous situation. It’s also good to have a little adrenaline pumping, say the first day at a new job. It’s not good to have it all the time as cortisol released into our system is a potential killer if we don’t manage the stress.
Good advice on stress management! As always, your posts are relevant and practical. Thank you.
Thanks Kathy – this is great! We are back in AZ for the winter and I find it hard to adjust back!! Very surreal and weird to be back after 8 months gone…Hope I will figure this out soon!! It is encouraging just to know it is not such a smooth process for other people also.
Thank you for this blog, very insightful! I read a book recently titled “Build Wealth and Spend It All” by orthopedic surgeon and millionaire entrepreneur Dr. Stanley Riggs. Dr. Riggs shares personal experience relating to what will happen to your money once you are too old to enjoy it, and how to strategically spend and enjoy it before that happens. I am responsible for my families financial situation and take every opportunity I can to teach myself planning and strategies for financial gain and stability. A lot of financial help books go over my head so I truly appreciated the way Dr. Riggs writes on a personal level, it is a very down to earth and relatable read with some really practical strategies as well as some great plans for retirement.
Check it out if you get a chance: http://buildwealthandspenditall.com
Thanks for the suggestion. After visiting the site, will have to add it to my reading list. My husband and I plan on spending every dime, to enjoy ourselves in retirement and leave this earth with no regrets for not having done something we really wanted to do. Dr. Riggs is on to something!